Breaking News: No End Times Until Local Colors and Other Festivities Are Over!!

Local Colors 2011:

Cleo-Fu Local Colors 2011

May 21, 2011 marks the last day before the latest common-era End Times begins with a big rapturous send-off scheduled for 6PM EDT. While ground zero was officially determined to be Philadelphia, PA, by Harold Camping (leader of Family Radio), he failed to mention that the real bon-voyage party was taking place in Roanoke, VA. 

Getting the ball rolling this morning was none-other-than our Dragon Pearl Fu (Cleo-Fu as of today), ringing in another season of Local Colors with the Parade of Nations featuring, of all apocalyptic things, Egypt. The world began in Mesopotamia, and rightly so, ends there, as it should. After all, Local Colors is Roanoke’s version of Babylon, which is fitting. (The only thing missing was a tower ascending to the heavens. Perhaps next End Times…) 

Local Colors 2011 Feat EgyptParade of Nations 2011

According to Mayor David Bowers, Local Colors has now gathered 97 nations to represent this year’s Parade of Nations. As customary, many of these participants then entertained the crowds at Elmwood Park with native song and dance, and also offered food and various crafts for sale throughout the course of the day. It is one big, colorful confusion of diverse peoples and tongues. What more can you ask for on the last day?

Another Roadside Attraction:

Another Roadside AttractionAnother Roadside Attraction

Passing through the throngs, on the opposite side of the street, there appeared an apparition of sorts: Another Roadside Attraction. This reminded us of course of simpler times when the righteous people traveled along the trails of the Wild West and took refuge in dusty street road shoot-em-up saloons and brothels. Thank goodness for whisky, women, and all sorts of odds-and-ends you could put strings on and call them instruments. It gets lonely praying in the desert after 40 days without a band of angel-faced singing hoodlums to cheer you up.

Vinton Wine and Food Fest and Baylee’s Best Chocolates:

Chocolate Tasting at Vinton Wine and Food FestivalVinton Wine and Food Festival 2011

In order not to get caught before witching-hour, there had to be one more indulgence to repent over: The Annual Vinton Wine and Food Festival. And so off to Vinton we go to eat, drink and be merry, for today we die. And who do we run into but the one-and-only Baylee the Chocolate Lady of Roanoke!!! Wine and chocolate is indeed a perfect match before jumping in the Lake o’ Fire! And would you believe all the last-minute sinners coming here to get their final sips of wine in? Certainly wine can be justified by a few pious people, but where does the chocolate figure in all this? “Ah, yes,” Baylee assured me. “Chocolate alone is the heavenly food.” And she says they’re “hand-made with love in Roanoke, Virginia.” The hand of love??? So that explains it, folks. You gotta believe! (Oh, is that the smile of a cherub or an evil temptress?? No matter, it was well-worth the transgression only a few hours before the clock strikes six times.)

Baylee the Chocolate Lady

Happy Rapture everyone! Probably not seeing you around Downtown from this point on… POOF!